My 2012 Facebook and Twitter Resolutions

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!



For Facebook and Twitter


  I hope your 2011 was as trans formative as mine was . I thank GOD I'm stillher4e and for everything and everyone He has blessed me to know and have in my life. Some of you gave me life, while others gave me life lessons and I'm thankful for both. I know some people do and others don't do resolutions, but here are mine, exclusively for Facebook and Twitter. Tongue-in-cheek of course but feel free to adopt or express your opinions accordingly.




12. For 2012, I will not write cryptic, passive-aggressive Tweets or Facebook posts. If I have something o say to say, I'm gonna say it directly to that stupid %^&^5. Or at the very least post their name in post. Ghost rants only make me look pathetic.



11. For 2012, I will not Facebook stalk, make up fake accounts on Twitter or an other social utility account in an effort to know how my ex, my former boyfriends, crushes current and past are doing. If i can't ask or directly befriend them, there's a reason for that. besides, why waste my time on someone that isn't thinking about me?



10. For 2012, I will not reply "I'm Going" to events I don't plan on attending. And if I do reply "Yes" and can't make it, I will let the host know in advance. When people say they can and will come to your event and don't show up, that's disappointing.



9. For 2012, I will not get offended (as much) when I see posts from friends, family and acquaintances who obviously went out and had a great time (as if that's possible if I'm not there-ha!) without me.



8. For 2012, I will I will actually reach out to the people I know on Facebook and let the ones I have no connection to go. I don't need a huge friends list. Facebook is not a popularity contest and I'm not in high school.



7. For 2012, I will not post Tweets or Facebook post to elicit sympathy. If I don't have anything genuine to say, I'm gonna keep it to myself and keep everyone else's timeline a little more clear of BS.



6. For 2012, I will not change my Facebook or Twitter profile picture every week, every time I get a new outfit, weave or wig, new shoes or change the color of my lipstick.



5. For 2012, I will not click "Like" on Facebook posts or re-Tweet unless it calls for it and I actually like what was said. "Like" does not substitute for reaching out , saying 'Congratualtions' or 'Happy Birthday'. And I understand that.



4. For 2012, I will not stalk former nemesis of mine to make sure them %REPLACE^R%(& aren't doing or looking better than me. Come on, we all do it. tell the truth, shame the devil.



3. For 2012, I will not post drunk Tweets or Facebook posts. Why? Because there's no such thing. OO_oo.



2. For 2012, I'm not gonna send game or application requests to other Facebook users. That -ish is annoying!!!



And the #1 thing I'm going to do in 2012?!?



1. For 2012, I'm actually gonna use Twitter to update significant events in social surroundings and Facebook to to keep up with friends, family, organizations and former classmates. I mean, isn't that what it's all for? To keep in touch? Will do.
 
What are some Facebook or Twitter habits you hope to do away with in 2012?

Real Love: How to Know it's "It" When You're Not Feeling "It".


Before I met my boyfriend, when I first started dating, my friends and acquaintances would ask me what I'm looking for and wanted in man. I listed the usual: handsome, educated, Black, sexy. And we had to have "it", that was the # 1 thing on my list. The thing was, I felt "it" with the same guys that 30 other women felt "it" with or didn't feel "it" at all with a really great guy I couldn't see myself with for one reason or another. The guys I felt "it" for brought the drama and unneeded competition for affection, but never ended in a monogomous, trusting relatinship where I felt secure. Something was wrong. As I was now in my 30s, I realized that I could not make the same choices as when I was 20-something years old. I had to now make choices in my romantic life in much the same way I had to concentrate on having a career if I wanted to be married or in a partnership with a compatible partner.



Last year, I read a book, "Marry Him! The case for marrying Mr. Good Enough". I'm sure you've at least hard of it. I cannot tell you the endless debates I had surrounding the theme of this book. After reading it, I came away with an important intergral message: Love, and what that means, is interpreted in many ways and you have to find out which way to redefine it for yourself if you ever plan to be married or be with a great guy. After reading it, I walked away with some important truths that define me in looking for a relationship:

1. Do you have to have chemistry or "it"? After speaking to over 20 married couples, I was completely surprised at their answers. Some had it, some didn't. Some never had it. The one thing ALL couples stated though was that, despite what any so-called relationship expert will tell you, it's not important or essential for a successful marriage or partnership because whether or not you ever had "it", the "it" does fade. And after it fades, you have to have compatibilty and friendship or the relationship will end.
And just like love, the definition of chemistry varies. You may be compatible in various important ways without the chemical "spark".

2. What if you are not "in love" with your partner? We are taught in books and movies and by romantics everywhere that love is a euphoric feeling of butterflies that happens whenever you're around a certain someone. But that's not love. That's a chemical reaction in your brain telling you to "mate" because a suitable candidate happens to be in the right place at the right time when you're optimal to reproduce and that's the whole truth. There are some people that get that "spark" if you will with a quite a few people. It's not reliable. It doesn't tell you if the person is responsible or kind, or even if he/she is having the same reaction to you that you are to them.

Being "in love" means that you fearlessly are willing to allow another human being to hold your future in their hands. And if you meet someone capable and worthy of that responsibility that takes it seriously and holds it like a delicate flower, then you are "In love". So shut the door and don't let him/her out! Take the line from Juno the movie. "Nothing is guarunteed in love. The best thing you can do in love is find someone who doesn't think your sh*t stink. If you can do that, you've got a pretty good shot at being happy for a long time."


3. So if that's not love, what is it? Love is a bonding experience that can happen quickly or over time to where you and another person who share the same values, experiences and goals decide to commit to one another. That's really it. Real love is responsibility, acceptance, stability and it's trust. Butterflies are a bonus, great to have but not important to a true loving, lasting relationship.

And don't compare your romantic life to that of another. Remember my "You are the Rule, not The Exception" mantra. If you meet someone with whom you have a "spark" who happens to also be the best partner for you, so be it. Some people do, but remember they are the exception. Just like we can't all be supermodels, we can't all happen to, by chance, fall in real love with the person to whom we are chemically attracted to and remember the only purpose of that is to mate, once you mate, it usually wears off for one or both of you.


In conclusion, what's important is looking for real love and building on that with someone who wants to build that with you, not looking for the Holy "It" Grail. BUT I encourage you to have the strength to always follow your heart, whatever that may be. For some people, having that spark is way more important than being a in a stable relationship with a great guy that wants to build a future. If you can say to yourself and mean it, that you'd rather be alone than be without "spark", then don't settle for less than what you want. If you think your "Spark" filled love is out there, I say "Float On" and wish you the best of luck. It's not impossible to find, but it might be a long, long wait for that "spark"  love when "real" love is right in front of you.

Have you ever questioned if a relationship was the real thing because you did not feel "it"with someone? If so, do you regret not staying in the relationship?

12 Different Types Of Men

1. MR. THUG LIFE

Advantages

a. Real good at making love

b. Fun and exciting

c. Makes you laugh

d. Has your back, will fight and protect you

Disadvantages

a. Usually drinks and smokes too much

b. Always got drama

c. Stays a thug forever

d. In and out of jail



2. MR. NAW, I DON`T HAVE A GIRL

Advantages

a. Will take you out in the beginning

b. Will introduce you to all his friends

c. Compliments you all the time

Disadvantages

a. Has a girlfriend who he?s been with since the 2nd grade

b. Will not get rid of her

c. He tells you about her after you?ve fallen in love with his *bleep*



3. MR. BIG BALLA

Advantages

a. Will give you money with no questions asked

b. Has a lot of style to him

c. Will show you some of the nice things in life

Disadvantages

a. Never returns your pages

b. Feels he can come to your house at any given time without calling first

c. Loves to be around his boys more than you.



4. MR. I`M IN THE INDUSTRY

Advantages

a. Can get you and your friends on the guest list at all the jumping parties

b. Can have a decent stimulating conversation

c. Tends to dress nice

Disadvantages

a. You don?t know if he?s gay, straight or bi

b. Seems flighty when you speak of a solid commitment

c. You still have to wait in line to get in all the jumping parties, then there?s drama at the door

d. All he has is a bunch of pictures with celebrities but he doesn?t know any of them personally



5. MR. INTELLECTUAL

Advantages

a. Book smart

b. Cares about how you feel

c. Has a very good job

Disadvantages

a. Boring as hell

b. Doesn?t know what the hell he?s doing in bed

c. He is not street smart

d. Always asking you when can he see you again



6. MR. GHETTO

Advantages

a. THE BOMB IN BED!!!!!

b. Makes you laugh

c. Got mad style and flava

d. Has a temper, but generally a charming sweet guy

e. Says he want a real relationship

Disadvantages

a. He got 3 or more baby mommy?s

b. Wants to lay up in your crib, use the phone, and eat up all the food

c. Is in denial when you tell him about himself

d. Comes home at 3:00 am and says he was out with his boys



7. MR. I`M A RIGHTEOUS BLACK MAN

Advantages

a. Will teach you about black history

b. Revolutionary

c. Inspiring & gives to you spiritually & emotionally

d. Wants a wife and family

Disadvantages

a. Breaks up with you for a white girl

b. Mo money-doesn?t have a job

c. Doesn?t own a nice suit, always wearing camouflage and oils

d. In the end, you find out he is just a trifling, con motha*bleep*a



8. MR. TOO DAMN GOOD

Advantages

a. Will introduce you to his mother

b. Has a job and will take you out

c. Will give you money for your bills if you need it

d. Sometimes he goes to church on Sunday

Disadvantages

a. Sometimes he goes or church on Sunday

b. Secretly wants to be Mr. Thug Life

c. Wears fake Movado & Rolex watches when he goes to the club

d. Ignores you when the game is on because he takes sports too serious -He didn?t make it professionally

e.You find out after you break up with him that he was cheating on you



9. MR. PLAYA

Advantages

a. Will tell you the truth - that you`re not the only one

b. Sometimes he`s fairly decent in bed

c. He tells you that you`ve changed him and he`s ready to settle down

d. Has his own apartment and car (invites you to move in with him)

Disadvantages

a. He doesn`t acknowledge you in public, especially if there`s women around

b. Generally he is a punk (won`t stand up for anything)

c. He expects you to believe all his lies just because he told you the truth about other women

d. After you catch his lyin` *bleep*, he tells you that he told you that he was a playa in the beginning anyway



10. MR. I HAVE A JOB

Advantages

a. Of course.... he has a job

b. Doesn`t have too many bad habits

c. Will take care of you when you`re sick

d. Tells you that he is in love with you

Disadvantages

a. You stay in the relationship 2 years or more and then find out he`s a shiftless, lazy son-of-a-*bleep* who wants you to do all the wifely duties but won`t give you a ring

b. He ends up telling you that he loves you, but is not "in love" with you

c. After he leaves you he gets married a month later



11. MR. BEST FRIEND

Advantages

a. He`s your best friend, you tell each other everything; you get along very, very well

b. He gives you advice when you and your man are having problems

c. The ultimate gentleman

d. Sweet and caring with a good sense of humor

Disadvantages

a. You end up hooking up with him only to find he ain`t about *bleep* either!

b. Now, you gotta find a new best friend because you can`t stand his *bleep*

no more



12. MR. RIGHT

Advantages

a.He loves God and takes his relationship with God seriously

b. He is intellectual, brilliant, and capable of taking you there mentally and emotionally

c. He will love you even when you are not lovable

d. He has a career and not a job!

e. He acknowledges his faults and strives to be a better man

f. He understands a relationship is built on a 200% quota - 100% him and 100% you

g. He doesn`t have a bunch of kids and babies mommas - he`s smarter than that

h. He is a true best friend and everything you ever wanted in a man

i. He was cute when you met him. But, after spending sometime you see he`s fine as hell!

j. He can dress - knows the difference b/t formal, semi-formal, professional, business casual, casual, and since we are just chilling let me throw on some sweats and a fitted hat

h. He loves his mother and respects women

Disadvantages

a. You`ve never met him and if you did he already has a girl/wife.

b. You?ve met him. He?s the one you didn?t return the hello greeting at the grocery store because you were so caught up in the one of the previous 11.

Not everyone is meant to be friends..and it's a good thing!

I love everybody! I really do!But.......




Not everyone is meant to be friends. Some people are meant to be acquaintances, some to be associates, some to only hold relationships within work, groups, etc. and that's it. What I don't understand is how when you send social cues to a person that say, "Hey, your cool, but that's it, our relationship ends and begins at a certain point", why some people choose to ignore the signals and continue to put you and themselves in uncomfortable situations.



Now , I give everyone a chance. I don't know you, I'm not gonna judge you and most of the time, people are completely different than how you think they might be. But after that, I may choose to consider you only someone I may be acquainted with in one way or another. Maybe we don't have anything in common, we think differently, or our values are different. I can definitely see intuitively when there may be problems ahead with myself and another person and I listen to my gut. This doesn't mean we don't speak, may not get up once in awhile if we have friends in common, work, etc. But it does mean that I don't share my personal life or space with you. That's for friends & family. Your should do the same.



I hope I'm not hanging myself with a rope on this one, but while I'm flattered, friendship may not be in our cards. And it's a good thing. In any relationship, you should want someone that wants you in their life the same way. Hey, there have been plenty of people I attempted to befriend and get close to that didn't feel the same way about me. And in the end, it was a blessing in disguise, the absolute best thing,lol!



I do wonder if anyone has been in similiar situations though and how they handled it.

I Thought You Were Crazy About Me...But You Were Just CRAZY!!!

When I saw a bite on your hand, I asked you about it. You said a dust bunny bit you. I laughed because I thought you were being funny. But you were dead serious.




When you said you had to check behind your dresser 3 times because "the little people were after you". I thought, everyone has the right to be precautious.



When you told me you wore a diaper, you know, just in case, I thought , "I like a man that thinks ahead!"



I just knew you were the one when you said you'd die without me.........then you went on to say, that's because you can't bear the thought of going to prison after you do me in.



I was awed by the fact that 10 of your high school buddies named their children after you. You then went on to say, that you did deliver half of them during the 6 weeks it took to get your GED.



I felt so special that you liked to watch me sleep. And eat. And from across the street while I was at work. During my aerobics class. While I used the bathroom. You know, nothing out of the ordinary....but I still don't know how you got that job as shampoo girl at my salon.



When I began to get male attention on Myspace and AOL, you didn't blink an eye. Of course I have found out later that they were all you, talking to me simultaneously for over 12 hours a day. But that's just love. Right?



But then it happened. You did the one thing no person in their right mind would ever do. I knew then you were insane. I knew at that moment it was never about me, it was never love. It was just crazy. And what you did was absolutely heinous, I don't even know if I can type it without throwing up.



As I saw you drink the milk right out of the milk carton and put it back in the fridge...........I knew you were crazy!!!

The 10 Types of Guys You Should NOT be Dating!!!!!

Hellloooooooo!  

These past 2 weeks, as I've checked in on numerous girlfriends, I have listened as each wonderful, beautiful person was agonizing over some guy that they should not have EVEN been dating. Each one would question how much longer they should stay, how much they should tolerate and if the relationship is worth fighting for. While I'm not the expert or poster child for relationships, one thing I've learned (harshly) is that there are types of guys you just don't date anymore. Some you don't even START dating and others you stop as soon as you see the signs that say "STOP! He's a loser!". While everyone else can see those signs clear as day, when the heart is involved, these people tend to become far sighted, very far sighted. Or maybe they see the signs as you and I do and choose to ignore them in effort to not be alone.

One thing I am convinced of is whether or not they know not to date or it's time to close up shop, they will arrive at the same conclusion to do so on their own. But it doesn't mean that they don't need a little push. Here's my push to them -- and you if you see these characteristics in the person you're either dating or trying date. If so.., gurl... YOU SHOULDN'T BE DATING HIM!!


The 10 Types of Guys You Shouldn't be Dating


1. The guy who doesn't call you.
If he's not calling you, he does not want you. I can't tell you how many guys have told me that. Does Facebook, Twitter, text or BBM count? Nope! If he does not call you or ask to speak to you in person, there is no need to wonder, ask or ponder philosophically about how he feels about you because he doesn't.

2. The married guy.
This should be obvious, but for some of you it strangely isn't. The type of guy that cheats on his wife is a) ALREADY cheating on you w/ his wife, b) is cheating on you with someone else already(you'll probably never know either) b) is a cheat, a liar and will never make a great partner to anyone. I know we are all familiar with unfortunate situations where from the outside looking in, that uncles, cousins, friends we know cheated with their now spouses and seem to be living happily ever after. Don't you believe it. Even if the person has managed to remain faithful, there will never be any amount of trust in that relationship, ever.

3. The separated from his wife but still living with her/going to therapy/etc. guy.
I know I'm going to ruffle some feathers here. I know that when people separate, one of the first things they are told to do is see other people. The choice of going on a date with someone who is separated is fine for those who aren't necessarily pursuing a monogamous relationship. However, if you are, dating someone who is separated is dating someone who is unavailable. When the "separated" status becomes "divorced" then you can openly date and pursue a relationship, until then, you're beating a dead horse. Why? Because no matter what problems separated persons are going through,about half of them get back together.

4. The guy who physically/mentally abuses you.
Another obvious one, yet too many women are still getting into and staying in these types of relationship. I don't know which type of abuse is worse, but I do know this: You are beautiful, you are handsome, you are WORTHY and no one has the right to put you down, even in a subtle way or put their hands on you, even once. If you question if you're in an abusive relationship, discuss it with your partner. Then talk the discussion over with a neutral(i.e., not your friends or family) party. Make sure you let your partner know that you will not stand for mental or physical abuse. Don't threaten to leave, there's no need for that. But if you come to the realization you ARE in an abusive relationship, LEAVE. God has a way of making sure those of us who unfortunately have to make the decision to get out of these types of relationships are never alone. I don't know how HE does it so put that "I-Don't-Want-To-Be-Alone" card away because you won't. I promise. Get help if you need it. Leave.

5. The guy who doesn't share the same morals as you do.
Here's the thing: There are some people out there who enjoy things recreational that may be against what you believe in morally. Drugs, sex, the list can go on. The free lifestyle these people seem to enjoy is very attractive. They don't judge you because they themselves don't want to be judged. And it feels nice to not be judged or held to sometimes impossible standards. BUT, if you don't do drugs, then don't date someone that does, if you don't drink heavily, don't date someone who does, if you enjoy spirituality, then dating someone who is agnostic is a bad idea. You don't have to share the same religion, but having one means you'll share more ideals and morals than someone who does not. Free sex does not lead to monogamy, it leads to two people who like free sex. If that's you, fine. But if it isnt' you probably need to find someone else.

6. The guy who doesn't have a job,unless he's in school full-time or is actively pursuing finding one.
Another sticky topic. Listen, it's a bad economy, I get that. Too many of us are now back home full-time or forced to live with and help out family members as we all struggle under this economic downturn. BUT, that does not give you an excuse to date a hot, sexy lazy man or woman. There's a difference between not finding a job and not looking. there's a difference between someone who had a steady job for years and lost it during the economic crisis and someone who couldn't keep a job when things were well and now is suffering because of their bad work record. There's a difference between someone who is on unemployment and has severance package or other financial package to allow him to thrive and someone who is living it up on unemployment with no plans to move forward or save until he gets back on his/her feet. Living at home with mom and dad is no longer a no-no, but WHY they are there is. So make no excuses for anyone, but be aware, if he or she is not making moves, you need to.

7. The guy who borrows money from you.
WTF!!! And that's exactly what you should say when he/she asks:"WTF!!". Know that whether you give the person who asks the money or not, it is the beginning of the end of the relationship. Save yourself the additional heartache that comes with staying in a relationship too long after this happens and quickly become unavailable and stop seeing him/her.

8. The guy that won't marry you/commit to you.
You want to be married, he does not. He's not sure. He wants to but not right now. Let me translate for you because obviously this is a language you don't understand: I do not want to marry you. What does that mean for you? Do I really have to write it?!? Yes, I do because if you're still with him, you don' get it: give him and more importantly yourself, the gift of good-bye. This IS the guy who will be engaged and married this time next year and no, it would NOT have been you if you stayed.

If he doesn't want to be in a monogamous relationship with you, first he's crazy because you're awesome! Secondly, he doesn't realize what a hawt number he has on his hands. Do you want to date someone that deft? If he's cheating and you're in a relationship or not committing because he doesn't want to "hurt you" leave him alone. By that, I mean, cut him off: no friendship, no calls, no texts, un-friend him on Facebook and completely disappear as far as he's concerned. This is NOT to hurt him or exact some revenge because he doesn't want you. If his wants and desires don't include you, don't care about what they are or what he's doing, LIVE YOUR LIFE. Eradicating him from your life cleans up your space to invite someone into it that wants you.

9. The guy who doesn't WANT you.
O-M-G!! This one gets on my last freaking nerves!!! I am so freaking tired of having to point out to a friends when the object of their desire doesn't want them. LADIES, STOP CHASING GUYS!! If he 's not calling you, asking you out, taking you out (and paying), introducing you to his friends and family, committed to you, wants to marry and actively pursuing it, having sex with you or at least desiring he wants to when you're married, putting you first and treating you like a million dollar glass vase and the utmost respect: HE - DOES - NOT - WANT - YOU!!

10. The guy who has(__insert # over 3 here) of children but did not marry or have a significant relationship with any of the mothers of his children.
I kinda talked about this in my prior blog, "When It Comes To Dating Dads". The only difference there is between dating someone who has kids and someone who does not, is that you already will know if he is mature, responsible, monogamous, parenting skills and  how to put family (including you) first. If he's none of the above, ditch him!



There are plenty more that should be on this list, including the guys Saquan Jones who did this blog radio show ( http://www.blogtalkradio.com/saquanjones/2011/09/29/face-first-at-says-place) describes and any guy who agrees with his advice. Like the movie the 'The Help', I was appalled, but thankful for the insight. I'm gonna keep listening, so should you!

What type of guy(s) have you learned to not date?

Healthy Sauteed Collard Greens

Remember those mushy, oily, ham hock, turkey leg collard greens your grandmother used to make that took all day, was so unhealthy, but SO good? Well, this version is HEALTHY and DELICIOUS, I usually post advice only, but this recipe is that GOOD I had to tell you all about it.

BTW, my next post will be answering some questions from readers and other folks.

Sauteed Collard Greens

2 quarts of water
1 chicken bouillon cube
2 1/2 lbs(about 2 bunches) collard greens, de-stemmed, cleaned, then rolled and cut into 1 - inch strips
1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar
3 cloves  garlic, minced
1 tablespoon of olive oil
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1/2 a lemon

1. Boil 2 quarts of water in a large pot. Add the chicken bouillon. Stir until dissolved. Bring to a rolling boil then add the collard greens. Stir.
2. Add the apple cider vinegar and cover for 15- 20 minutes. Be careful not to over cook the greens or they will turn black and be too soft to saute.
3. Drain the greens and set aside.
4. Add the olive oil, garlic, salt and red pepper flakes to a large frying pan, sauteing the garlic for 3-5 minutes. Then add the collard greens. Saute for 5-10 minutes. The wetness of the greens should completely evaporate.
5. Once the water has evaporated, squeeze fresh lemon juice over the collard greens. Serve.

I'm no cooking expert, so you can tweak this anyway you like. If you've had this before or plan to try it, I'd love to hear about it and other "healthy" soul food substitutions that can be made.

For other delicious recipes, head over to Eat, Seek and Be Merry .

Bon Ape tit!