Beware of the Thirsty Girl or Guy!

Beware of the Thirsty Girl or Guy!

A few Summers ago as I was walking with a friend I saw an incredibly attractive man walking towards me. You know, the kind of good-looking you just don't see everyday. As he walked by, I HAD to speak.

"Hello, good afternoon, how are you?" I didn't mean to say all that, but I was captivated and feeling bold.

Mr. Good-Looking simply smiled as he walked on by and replied, "Good afternoon, I'm fine."

I turned to watch him walk away and stated loud enough for him to hear, "Yes, you are." Look, guys do those kind of things to women everyday and I love turning the tables on them when I get a chance.  As soon as I turned back to my friend, however, she was laughing hysterically.

"Gurl, what is wrong with you? Why are you acting all thirsty? Is your throat dry?", she said. I had no idea what she meant but it cracked me up and I joined in her laughter.

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

She replied in a voice mimicking a dirty,old man,"Hello there, good afternoon baby, how ya doin'?" lickin' her lips the entire time. I laughed until I cried.

"I was SO not like that!" I exclaimed.

"Yes you were! You acted like you were thirsty and the only thing that could quench your thirst was a tall glass of him!"

Is that what 'thirsty' means?", I asked.

"Yep, it means you gotta get at a man no matter what, like you're desperate and you're not desperate girl so stop acting like you're thirsty!" She said as she laughed again.

Little did I know at the time that although I was indeed not 'thirsty', there were MANY females out there that were. Oh, there are some dry, scratchy throat, can hardly talk for dry wheezing chicks out there, so watch your back. I had an ultimate run-in with one dry throat chick and although I will not put her on blast, I will post warning signs about them. Here they are:

Thirsty Chicks Have No Female Friends: It's true. They may have associates and such but no friends. Not because they can't make them, they choose not too. Thirsty females know that they cannot be trusted so they trust no other female.

Thirsty Females keep their info tight: Think about it: do you know one female that knows alot about everybody else's business but you know very little about hers? That's a thirsty chick on the low. They keep tabs on your man and your situation so that they can strike when the time is right. They wait for you to show the slightest disinterest and then they move in on your man. If you confront her about it she'll say "You acted like you didn't want him".

Thirsty Females like averted attention: Thirsty chicks or guys don't mind if another female gets all the attention at first, they just want to go home with the digits or the guy at the end of the night. So they sit back, let you do all the conversation, then when you get to the exchange of info, they insert themselves. No work, but all the payload.


Thirsty Females have no loyalty: She may be your soror/frat or your girl/boy, but not when it comes to the opposite sex! You may have walked in with him, but she has no problem with walking out with him. She doesn't ask or concern herself with the details of who is seeing who, etc. because that would only make her look worse than she already will by going after the same guy your with.

Thirsty Females are BOLD: Not only will they openly flirt with your man right in front of you, they will talk about it to your face. Don't be fooled by a temporary act of consciousness when they tell you they "may" have crossed the line. It's simply to throw you off track and the bolder have no problem with telling they either have or will choose you over them.

Beyond the warning signs posted, I've written a poem about the thirsty women out there whose parched throat ways get in the way of all the true women out there. Read this to empower yourself whenever a scratchy throat gets you down. Smooches!

Jennifer Anniston. Spokesperson for SmartWater. Fully prepared for the next Thirsty chick that tries to steal her man.

Ode to the Thirsty Girl

Thirsty Girl, oh Thirsty Girl

Why must you be so dry?

Why must you holla at every single man 

that happens to pass you by?

Thirsty Girl, oh Thirsty Girl,

Do you have any loyalty?

You betta quench your thirst ahead of time

Before you come and hang with me

Thirsty girl, oh Thirsty girl

your desperation ain't hard to see

Before you come out since you're that dry

Try drinking a glass of tea

Or perhaps your missing electrolytes

have you tried drinking SmartWater?

because you 

trying to holla at the same guy I am

is completely out of order

Thirsty girl, oh Thirsty Girl,

Don't you know the Girlfriend code?

If I step first, then you back off

Why must you stoop so low?

So I thank your dry & thirsty ways

for clearing the weaker sex from my path,

and making the way for the Alpha male

since I only like the best!

Thirsty Girl, oh Thirsty Girl

you habitual line stepper,

you desperate moves will always prove

As a matter of choice, I'm better!

Don't Be That Girl or Why I'm not Feeling Alicia Keys Anymore

Amber Rose. Wise, mature and pretty!

A few months ago, I listened to an interview Amber Rose gave to a radio station. Now, just like you, I had my preconceived notions about her based on her pre-Kanye West career, her sudden and seemingly undeserved rise to fame based on nothing but her blond-dyed crew cut and Betty Boop figure. No, I'm not about to give you the Russell Simmons' Global Grind "But There's More To Her, don't hate her!" speech.

What I will give you is the lesson that unfortunately may have been lost in the fact that it was coming from Amber Rose. In the infamous interview, Amber Rose let it slip out that part of the reason for her break up with her first famous beau was due to a little known chick named Kim Kardashian, who's body and rise to fame was pretty much identical to Amber's with the exception that one grew up poor and the other grew up affluent. In her suspicion of the tryst, Amber did what a lot women should do first and don't: she confronted her man. She held him accountable for his actions and then in a very mature move I would not have taken, she decided she wanted to try and works things out with Mr. West as long as he left said Kardashian alone. Whether or not Kanye agreed (obviously not), according to Amber, Kimberly did not. Amber knew the responsibility of being faithful truly lied with her partner, not KK, however, she attempted to talk to Kimberly. When Amber discovered KK was still "sexting" Kanye, she texted her. Not to threaten her, not to cuss her out, but to give her advice: "Don't be that girl". Her words were powerful and wise and although she did not receive a response from her allegory to Kim, her maturity in the situation earned my respect.

Now who was "That girl" Amber was referring to? We all know who she is. She is the girl who does whatever she wants, whatever feels good despite who that may hurt in the process. She is the sideline chick aiming for top spot, she is the female who bases her self-esteem in breaking up relationships, she is the female that has no respect for herself or others relationships, she is the chick who is selfish, self-centred and doesn't care who she hurts as long as her needs are met, she is the female who purports herself to be a strong and powerful woman for other women but excuses her behavior based on circumstance rather than lead by an intergal life. Yeah, she's that chick. The chick,whom you and other females cannot trust. The "I'm going for mine" girl when she really mean's "I'm going for yours".

Now before you swear and curse that girl , know this: We are ALL that girl. Yep. Re-read it again. How so?

As dynamic people we are all  comprised of and capable of many things, most good and some bad. In this way, that girl is in all of us. One of you may be saying, not me, but yeah , yes you.

Now just because we have "That girl" or "That guy" in us doesn't mean we have to let that person out. We have all, at one time or another been faced with a strong moral dilemma. At one time or another, we either gave in or wanted to give in to our desires and passions and be a slave to what we wanted whether it was right or wrong or who we may hurt in the process. And if none of this seems to apply to you at this moment, don't worry it will. There will come a time when the guy or girl who lights your fire is married or otherwise taken. There will be a time when it seems your sexual soul-mate also happens to be your student, a client or a patient. There will be a time when you fall in love with someone else's husband or wife and in all these situations unfortunately the feelings will be reciprocated, making the decision to walk away and do the right thing difficult and painful.

Kim Kardashian and Alicia Keys, collectively known as 'Homewreckers Anonymous'

This is where Alicia Keys comes in. We all know her good homegirl "I'm for women" media personality her empire spins on us. Her songs of broken hearts, broken love and most of all of staying faithful to love. Yet in her personal life we unfortunately learned that while she could talk the talk, she could not walk the walk. She, like the rest of us had "That girl" in her, but instead of taking the higher moral ground and therefore avoiding the very "Karma" she sung about, she chose to be the woman involved in an already dissolving marriage, publicly no less. Humiliating her now husband's former wife and child, she chose to partner, become pregnant and engaged to an already married man. I often wonder what respect does she expect from her husband's children or her own son when they become of age and learn of when and how she and her now-husband became a couple. I don't pretend or profess to know the personal details of what happened in this situation. Maybe she's withholding a simple explanation that we the public don't know that would make her an innocent in this, but as a public relations trained professional, we have a saying: what it looks like is usually what it is and you can't turn sh*t into mayonnaise, but I'd like to see her try.

With all that I said, I do not have advice or  a 3 step rule this time to help you when the time comes when you're faced with being "That girl" or being "That guy". And unlike the liberty I took in judging Alicia Keys, I won't judge you. Temptation is hard. The Devil knows exactly what to serve at EXACTLY the right time so  that the offer can be hard to refuse.  All I can hope is that you make the right decision. And let's say you've already been in one of the aforementioned situations and you DID choose to be "That person". Don't beat yourself up about it. Move on. Love yourself. And regardless of the bad-decision making and poor judgement you may have made in the past, you are worthy of new chances, of earning trust and most importantly of forgiveness. Alicia has done nothing to me personally. Was I disappointed in her? Yes. Did she disappoint the womanhood? Undoubtedly. But you know what? I forgive her.  Just like Mashonda forgave her and moved on to someone who is faithful and worthy of her love. Just like Amber forgave Kim and even thanked her for giving her a reason to leave a man who was unworthy of her and led her to her husband-to-be. I forgive these women. I'm just waiting for the new piano playing poetess and curvy, reality t.v. star fashionista, worthy of my fanship, to take their place.

MAC and Other Makeup Gimmicks Women Fall For

As I walked in, late nonetheless, to my Affordable Beauty Class with celebrity Makeup artist A.J. Crimson, I was stunned to see that over 70% of the class were African-American women and not just African-American women, but dark-skinned African-American women. The media often ignores the vast hues in the Black skin color spectrum, leaving those darker than a walnut brown to fend for themselves. With models like Alek Wek walking for Chanel and Oluchi Onweagba modeling for Victoria's Secret, you'd think that we'd be more educated and have more options for the higher end of the color spectrum, but alas no. And no oasis was found at the Affordable Beauty clinic as we watched A.J. delightfully shade and contour a fair skinned participant, but could not display the same effect on an ebony shaded beauty who volunteered to be made up by him. The frustration in her voice at her dissapoinment in not being shaded and contoured as her counterpart was shared by many in the room. His  directions called for using the darkest makeup you could find to create cheekbones and shading, but what about when you ARE the deepest shade in the spectrum? What then? As a YOUTUBE specialist, I knew that there were other artists who excelled where A.J. did not. I passed the info of several artists, not as well known as A.J., who specialized in creating the looks darker skinned Black women desire.

The next sin made by A.J. was his denouncement of MAC cosmetics. *!GASP!*  As instructed , all the women brought their current make-up bags for his perousal. As the group began to ask questions, of course he pushed his own product line and those used by industry professionals. But when asked which MAC products he endorsed. He asked, "Who wears MAC anymore?" Stunned, we were to afraid to answer our makeup idol, but collectively our silence whimpered "We do!". The woman next to me whispered,"I love MAC and I'm not gonna stop wearing it for nobody!". I smiled politey at her comment and then I began to wonder, 'Well, why were we wearing MAC cosmetics? Was AJ right? Were we wearing MAC even though  their shades did not match our skin color and/or tone and their colors and products were unwearable and overpriced based on the amount purchased and performance? Were we victims to sleek packaging and marketing efforts that told us subliminally, even though common sense told us otherwise, we needed MAC products to be sought after and beautiful even though the products don't work? And for those that claim it does, do we really believe that in order to be inclusive in some ultimate makeup click, selectively pulling our MAC brushes and lip glosses from our purses for status rather than effectiveness? The answer was .....yes.

Since Duane Reade launched "The LOOK Boutique", I've been a fan, especially since they had the fortitude to launch BECCA cosmetics, a line that offers skin tone and color selections, which is important in a multi-ethnic and hued society. Ever wondered why a base/foundation that is your color doesn't work? It's because it doesn't match your skin tone. It's expensive to expand a color foundation based on both tones and color, but it is achievable and it is done. True enough the more expensive a line is(think NARS or Giorgio Armani) or exclusive(think Guerlain or Fashion Fair), the more likely they employ this effort, but BECCA does this at a reasonable cost level(it's not cheap though). The LOOK Boutique also offers other non-SEPHORA endorsed products that work for ethnic or multi-racial skin, but without the sleek advertising, marketing and fanfare surrounded by the likes of MAC, Clinique or Bobbi Brown.

One weekend after attending the workshop, I went to the LOOK Boutique counter to purchase a lip liner and gloss from the Vera Moore line, I asked the beauty counter representative which lines she likes that is offered in the store. Her reply? "None". she said. When I asked, she replied, "There's just nothing that excites me about any of these lines." Intrigued, I asked, " Which lines do excite you? " Clinique, MAC, any of the lines at Sephora, some drugstore brands." I looked the associate over . Such a pretty girl, but such a poorly made-up face. The "exciting" lines she was using did nothing for her. Her technique was okay, but her skin was ashy and mis-colored. Her eye makeup was poorly done, flaking, fading and not becoming for her. Her lipstick was so far out of her skin tone family, it stood out like a horrible mistake that was made just before she left the house. Mind you, her shift had just started and she probably left her home an hour ago. To be included in makeup "excitement" she was willing to look a hot mess. I could not understand why she would purchase a base and powder that no more matched her skin color than an elephant's for the sake of purchasing a name brand that was well-known. Especially when BECCA and Vera Moore had her EXACT shade and tone right there in front of her.
"Did you at least try some of these cosmetics here? As a WOC, I find them to be more suitable for our skin tones/color than some of the more well-known brands." I say to her.
"No, I didn't try them. I'm just not interested since I've never heard of them. I heard of BECCA when it was at SEPHORA, but I never got a chance to try it." If I wasn't in a hurry, I would've strapped that chick down and re-did her face right there.It was one thing to have mis-matched foundation and powder b/c that's the best you can do, but to do it just to say you have such and such in your make-up kit while you look foolish is a complete 'nother. This young woman saved my life. I knew right then,I had to put makeup that didn't work for me DOWN no matter what the label read.

Because of this encounter I decided to write some rules to make sure that I never fall prey to makeup marketing schemes that don't work for me. If you agree to these rules, help spread the news. BTW, it's okay if you wear MAC in 2010, 2011 and beyond, as long as the hype doesn't sprinkle stars in your eyes convincing you that it looks good on you when it doesn't and doesn't stop you from looking for something that may very well be better.

1)Educate yourself on as many makeup lines as you can.
Yes, it can be overwhelming, but lucky for you, you are living in the age of blogs and YouTube videos. Most makeup mavens have done the research for you. Make sure you subscribe to bloggers who are not paid or compensated for their opinion of beauty products. Remember, trained makeup and beauty artists can make ANYTHING work, so if all they have to give is praise, look for another written or video blogger who can give you an honest opinion of what a product can or can't do.

2)The price does NOT matter, the effectiveness does.
With the exception of very sensitive skin, most of us can wear any drugstore brand available. While the metaphoric high of purchaseing MAC and any product from the makeup counter at Nordstrom's or SEPHORA is addictive, beware the train of thought that the more you pay for it, the better it is. That is not always the case when it comes to makeup. Born with hereditary dark circles under my eyes, I searched high and low for a concealer that not only matched my skin tone/color, but with the perfect consistency to not run or rub off during the day(or night). After paying $55, $35, $28 for high end concealers that did not work time after time, a makeup artist suggested a drugstore brand, Posner cover creme. It cost just $8 and is the best thing that ever happened to me. When people ask me why my skin looks perfect, I tell them this story. While I swear by it, it doesn't work for everyone. The moral of the story is, find something that works for you and it is not always going to be the most expensive thing on the market.

3)Pick a color that is flattering to you.
Here's the deal: The most common used makeup on runways are drugstore brands mixed with professional makeup artists tricks products. All makeup is not developed with everyone in mind. It would be impossible to do so. So although, there are some blushes and lipsticks advertised as universally flattering, believe me, there is no such thing. Someone will end up looking weird. With that in mind, know that some poeple do not look good in frosty eyeshadows, satin colors look best on dewy skin, therefore if your skin is dry, you need shimmer. Yes, you can wear pink, but pick a pink shade that is flattering to you. Just because Disco Pink is in season, does not mean its for you.

4) DO NOT get sucked into name brands and slick advertising schemes.
The purpose of this rule is not to downplay MAC, Bobbi Brown or any other well-known brand or high volume selling drugstore cosmetic. Look, I'm no different than you. I use MAC and Clinique products. What I do want to impress upon you, is that once the marketing facade fades, you have to come to the conclusion of if the product not only works, but works for you. If it does what I need it to do then I'm fine with whatever high-end, mid-or low-end product I buy. Not only that, but I try to be fiscally smart with my makeup as well. I love Dior mascara, but buying a $30 mascara every 3-4 months is out of the question. I find that Maybelline makes a mascara that does the same, if not better, for 1/5 of the price. While I loved taking the Dior out of my makeup bag (let's face it: some luxury makeup just makes you FEEL good),I know the SMART thing was to stick to my drugstore brand and flaunt that!

What I hope you take away from this to not let MAC or any other highly marketed makeup line be your holy grail for makeup and cosmetic products.

Stop being a line only fanatic and be a "ME" fanatic. Don't talk about the latest product out, but the latest product you've tried or seen that may work for you. Don't let a makeup line define if you're a diva or not. Let the definition be read in how good you look with what works on you.

A Relationship: What To Expect In The Very Beginning......

You're in a relationship. Congratulations. It's new, it's exciting and it's .......not perfect. But what is?
Don't worry, there are some normal relationship"kinks" that you and everyone you know will or has gone through. To spare you the late -night calls to friends, binge-eating and 'Reply All' e-mails, I've listed of few of the major ones to look out for.

1) When going from seeing to seriously dating, every red flag that has gone under your radar in your past relationships ( i.e. baggage) is going to pop it's ugly head. Remember when you pretended to be so secure in your relationship, you didn't check his phone? Then you were so secure you did check his phone? And found out there where at least 4 (or more) people in this secure relationship with you and him? Yeah, those things will pop into your head., no matter how great of a person he or she is. Things will be good. And you'll appreciate it. Then you'll think things are TOO good (though there's no such thing) and so your mind will replay every scenario in which you, someone you knew or someone you saw on The Maury Povich Show went through. This is the time to be honest with your honey about what you feel and why. At this point in life, both of you will being bringing baggage into the relationship, it's only natural. Let your partner know what happened in the past that has you feeling insecure now. A good partner will understand and work to get past it but you have to do your part, which means you DO have to get over it or end up single because no one will put up with relationship insecurities for long.

2) He or she will get on your nerves. I don't care how sweet, wonderful, beautiful or handsome  the person you're seeing is, they will get on your nerves. Big time. This comes about due to familiarity and being  territorial. Whether you're single periodically or for long periods of time, sharing your intimate space on a constant basis can wear you thin. Your habits, as well as your partner's, are magnified and even the slightest phrase or look can sometimes set you off. NO, your not crazy and no, they're not intentionally being nerve-wrecking. In fact, all you need is to count to 10 and just R-E-L-A-X. This isn't the time to tell your partner every little thing that annoys you and how they shouldn't breathe heavy when you come home from work or how her dramatics over her reality shows make you want to grate your nails. This IS the time to remember that unless it's a game changer, it's really not that big of deal. and just like you find things they do annoying, it's the same on the other side of the fence. There is NO human being alive who you can date or marry who will not get on your nerves or vice versa so learn to deal with it. Focus on their positive qualities and move on.

3)YES! You do have to check in or risk being checked out of the relationship. When you decide to get serious about someone, there is no night off. You can't suddenly not call your partner for 24 hours and then the next  night call and in a chipper voice say "Hey babe!" It does not work that way. When you get serious, you have a serious responsibility. The other person. I'm not saying it's not cool to hang out with your man and them or your girls, or enjoy some time alone when he or she is busy doing something else, but becoming a serious couple is courtship , a demonstration model of how you expect your engagement or marriage to follow. That means making calls about your day, calling to tell a funny story, calling to let off steam and expecting the same in return. This is how you'll know you're with the right person. When you choose to make him or her the first person you share things with and vice versa, checking in won't be a chore, it'll be a lucky priviledge you both share.

4)He or she will be around you constantly. In almost every free moment you have. It will be cute at first. Then it will be a bit much.Then it will get creepy. So you will tell your partner to back off. But by that time, out of the blue, you'll get so used to having them around you ACTUALLY switch places. Then he thinks it's cute that your around so much, then it'll become a bit much, then you'll get creepy......you get the idea. But eventually you'll settle into place that's comfortable for you both. I promise.

5) You will have the ultimate "Before-I-Get-Serious-With-You-I'm Pushing-You -Away -to-See-If -You'll -Stay" fight. The argument may be over a serious issue or it may be over something petty, but it WILL happen. I'm not saying this so to scare you. I'm saying it to let you know it's okay when it happens. In a real relationship, there will be disagreements and things might be said that you wish weren't but the important part of this fight is to:  a) see how you fight (always fight fair),  and b) to see if you'll run away at the slightest sign of problems,  and c) to see if you'll fight for the relationship. With all this said, the "big fight" may happen twice, once with each partner walking away (or at least pretending to). After the fight though, make sure you both come to a resolution peacefully and remember the love you're working on between you. Once you learn each other's communication style, unless you like to argue, you won't have many major disagreements and you'll learn how to speak to and resolve your issues between each other in a respectful way and more important, you'll know you're both worth fighting for!

6)He will get machismo on you and try to get hype and tell you what to do or shut you down. She will attempt to shut you down and let you know she's running things. Once you call them on it, they'll laugh it off and take it back. Both are trying to have the upper hand. Neither has it. Both will try it again. You'll crack up laughing each time and ignore it.

So all the things listed, I personally went through and it was off-putting and sometimes scary. And each time I went through them and got through them, I talked to other people and found out it was normal so I'm letting you know ahead of time, it's normal. So before you make that call to a friend, hey.....it's okay. You'll be fine.

Les Miserable! How to Deal with Negative People at Work

Negative, miserable people.  Ugh. They can make a job you love a JOB to love. Who are these people? where do they come from? Why are they on your job and in your life?


While we don't know everyone's story, suffering alongside them is not your job. I remember when I had been blessed to work at a great job in a career I had wanted badly. The people in my department were friendly, hard-working people who made going to my job everyday easy despite the low pay and long hours and hard work we all put in. We were grateful for our jobs and made sure we kept each others' spirits lifted. 

After I was hired, my boss hired a friend of a friend who needed a job badly. The employee used to run his own company and was used to being the boss for many years. But at our company he was powerless and had to take directions from people who much younger and more knowledgeable than him. He was miserable. He complained about our superiors, made snide remarks about our co-workers and called everyone stupid who was out of earshot. Soon, his misery spread like quick acting poison among our entire team. Even though the employee was becoming abusive, not one person on the team spoke up against him - except one. One of the original team members filed a complaint against this intolerable employee after going to the supervisor and then his boss first.

When the company realized how much production had gone down since he was hired, they investigated. Once more people began to speak up, the abusive employee was given a Final warning - meaning he or she had to clean up their act or be terminated. Since that time, the team has had a 100% turn-around. Not  everyday was complete sunshine with the employee but the negativity had come to a stop.

Now, the other people who did not come forward to complain about the negative employee weren't afraid, they just knew how to handle Negative People at work in a different way. Below are my rules for attempting to deal with Negative People and situations at work.


1)My first advice is to ignore them if you can. Unfortunately, a lot of employment depends on team work and miserable people love to work in team environments.  So my advice is if ignoring them doesn't work and you have to interface with one everyday. Learn to politely re-guide every angle of negativity they attempt to spew at you and others.

2) Do not join in on miserable  people gossip. It's second nature to not necessarily like everything our boss or co-workers do, but to continuously rag on it daily only illuminates the situation and makes it worse. And misery loves company. My second token of advice is, no matter how much you may agree with negative convo concerning your boss, refrain from it and if someone brings it to your desk or area, listen if you're forced to do so but make no comments or agree. After the person has their say, act busy or guide the conversation elsewhere. If asked your opinion, simply say you have none. And most of all keep in mind: If people talk about others to you, they are definitely talking about you as well.

3)Relax, relate, release. Negative people and situations at work can severely stress you out! Don't let it to the best of your ability. Now's the time to exercise, eat right and make the allowed 5 appointments with a counselor through your health plan or join a free one in your city. If you know of a bible study or young adult group where you can be emotionally and spiritually replenished, go there. Being able to vent and shake it off physically will arm you to deal with these negative peeps day in and day out.


4) If the negativity is disturbing your work, then it's time to speak up. No one has the right to create a negative environment or abuse you at work. Try to resolve the situation at your level first by confronting the person directly in a positive manner b y keeping the focus on you rather than them so the person will not feel attacked. For example: "John, when you do not turn in your work in a timely manner so that I may do my part before it is due, I feel frustrated. The team expects me to have it complete for our team meetings. Is there anything I can do to assist you in getting this done?" Or "John, I understand we both have frustrating situations here at work, but as a team player, I would like for us both to come to a compromise on how we can both work best together in a positive atmosphere."
 
Hopefully, you and your co-worker can try to resolve the situation between the both of you.However, the rare circumstance you find yourself unable to do so and the environment becomes intolerable, keep track of the events that occur and bring them to your immediate supervisor.If it is not resolved on that level or your supervisor recommends so, bring the issue to Human Resources to file a formal complaint.
 
Imust point out here that going to Human Resources is a lat resort. Please, do not go to Human resources to vent or talk about your frustrations or issues you may have outside the job. Keep in mind, Human Resources main job is to protect the company, NOT YOU. At times, H.R. will label people. You do not want to be known as a complainer who always has an issue,no matter how valid, with someone. In going to Human Resources, know that you must have solid, factual back-up, witnesses willing to speak on your behalf and most important, you must go through with filing the complaint.
 
Not all negative situations need to escalate to that level and sometimes you do have to remove yourself from a situation that is not right for you. Some people thrive in certain situations people might consider negative, others don't. When I have tried every avenue, including looking to myself for where I may be the contributing factor to a negative situation, to no avail, I take that as sign that  it may be time to move on. As long as you're not running away, there's nothing wrong with realizing you may no longer be a good fit or that a situation may not be right for you.
 
With that said I hope you've found something helpful in my post if you're currently going through this or can add some helpful hints for others below.
 
What are some negative situations you have gone through at your job? How did you handle/resolve the situation?

My 2012 Facebook and Twitter Resolutions

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!



For Facebook and Twitter


  I hope your 2011 was as trans formative as mine was . I thank GOD I'm stillher4e and for everything and everyone He has blessed me to know and have in my life. Some of you gave me life, while others gave me life lessons and I'm thankful for both. I know some people do and others don't do resolutions, but here are mine, exclusively for Facebook and Twitter. Tongue-in-cheek of course but feel free to adopt or express your opinions accordingly.




12. For 2012, I will not write cryptic, passive-aggressive Tweets or Facebook posts. If I have something o say to say, I'm gonna say it directly to that stupid %^&^5. Or at the very least post their name in post. Ghost rants only make me look pathetic.



11. For 2012, I will not Facebook stalk, make up fake accounts on Twitter or an other social utility account in an effort to know how my ex, my former boyfriends, crushes current and past are doing. If i can't ask or directly befriend them, there's a reason for that. besides, why waste my time on someone that isn't thinking about me?



10. For 2012, I will not reply "I'm Going" to events I don't plan on attending. And if I do reply "Yes" and can't make it, I will let the host know in advance. When people say they can and will come to your event and don't show up, that's disappointing.



9. For 2012, I will not get offended (as much) when I see posts from friends, family and acquaintances who obviously went out and had a great time (as if that's possible if I'm not there-ha!) without me.



8. For 2012, I will I will actually reach out to the people I know on Facebook and let the ones I have no connection to go. I don't need a huge friends list. Facebook is not a popularity contest and I'm not in high school.



7. For 2012, I will not post Tweets or Facebook post to elicit sympathy. If I don't have anything genuine to say, I'm gonna keep it to myself and keep everyone else's timeline a little more clear of BS.



6. For 2012, I will not change my Facebook or Twitter profile picture every week, every time I get a new outfit, weave or wig, new shoes or change the color of my lipstick.



5. For 2012, I will not click "Like" on Facebook posts or re-Tweet unless it calls for it and I actually like what was said. "Like" does not substitute for reaching out , saying 'Congratualtions' or 'Happy Birthday'. And I understand that.



4. For 2012, I will not stalk former nemesis of mine to make sure them %REPLACE^R%(& aren't doing or looking better than me. Come on, we all do it. tell the truth, shame the devil.



3. For 2012, I will not post drunk Tweets or Facebook posts. Why? Because there's no such thing. OO_oo.



2. For 2012, I'm not gonna send game or application requests to other Facebook users. That -ish is annoying!!!



And the #1 thing I'm going to do in 2012?!?



1. For 2012, I'm actually gonna use Twitter to update significant events in social surroundings and Facebook to to keep up with friends, family, organizations and former classmates. I mean, isn't that what it's all for? To keep in touch? Will do.
 
What are some Facebook or Twitter habits you hope to do away with in 2012?

Real Love: How to Know it's "It" When You're Not Feeling "It".


Before I met my boyfriend, when I first started dating, my friends and acquaintances would ask me what I'm looking for and wanted in man. I listed the usual: handsome, educated, Black, sexy. And we had to have "it", that was the # 1 thing on my list. The thing was, I felt "it" with the same guys that 30 other women felt "it" with or didn't feel "it" at all with a really great guy I couldn't see myself with for one reason or another. The guys I felt "it" for brought the drama and unneeded competition for affection, but never ended in a monogomous, trusting relatinship where I felt secure. Something was wrong. As I was now in my 30s, I realized that I could not make the same choices as when I was 20-something years old. I had to now make choices in my romantic life in much the same way I had to concentrate on having a career if I wanted to be married or in a partnership with a compatible partner.



Last year, I read a book, "Marry Him! The case for marrying Mr. Good Enough". I'm sure you've at least hard of it. I cannot tell you the endless debates I had surrounding the theme of this book. After reading it, I came away with an important intergral message: Love, and what that means, is interpreted in many ways and you have to find out which way to redefine it for yourself if you ever plan to be married or be with a great guy. After reading it, I walked away with some important truths that define me in looking for a relationship:

1. Do you have to have chemistry or "it"? After speaking to over 20 married couples, I was completely surprised at their answers. Some had it, some didn't. Some never had it. The one thing ALL couples stated though was that, despite what any so-called relationship expert will tell you, it's not important or essential for a successful marriage or partnership because whether or not you ever had "it", the "it" does fade. And after it fades, you have to have compatibilty and friendship or the relationship will end.
And just like love, the definition of chemistry varies. You may be compatible in various important ways without the chemical "spark".

2. What if you are not "in love" with your partner? We are taught in books and movies and by romantics everywhere that love is a euphoric feeling of butterflies that happens whenever you're around a certain someone. But that's not love. That's a chemical reaction in your brain telling you to "mate" because a suitable candidate happens to be in the right place at the right time when you're optimal to reproduce and that's the whole truth. There are some people that get that "spark" if you will with a quite a few people. It's not reliable. It doesn't tell you if the person is responsible or kind, or even if he/she is having the same reaction to you that you are to them.

Being "in love" means that you fearlessly are willing to allow another human being to hold your future in their hands. And if you meet someone capable and worthy of that responsibility that takes it seriously and holds it like a delicate flower, then you are "In love". So shut the door and don't let him/her out! Take the line from Juno the movie. "Nothing is guarunteed in love. The best thing you can do in love is find someone who doesn't think your sh*t stink. If you can do that, you've got a pretty good shot at being happy for a long time."


3. So if that's not love, what is it? Love is a bonding experience that can happen quickly or over time to where you and another person who share the same values, experiences and goals decide to commit to one another. That's really it. Real love is responsibility, acceptance, stability and it's trust. Butterflies are a bonus, great to have but not important to a true loving, lasting relationship.

And don't compare your romantic life to that of another. Remember my "You are the Rule, not The Exception" mantra. If you meet someone with whom you have a "spark" who happens to also be the best partner for you, so be it. Some people do, but remember they are the exception. Just like we can't all be supermodels, we can't all happen to, by chance, fall in real love with the person to whom we are chemically attracted to and remember the only purpose of that is to mate, once you mate, it usually wears off for one or both of you.


In conclusion, what's important is looking for real love and building on that with someone who wants to build that with you, not looking for the Holy "It" Grail. BUT I encourage you to have the strength to always follow your heart, whatever that may be. For some people, having that spark is way more important than being a in a stable relationship with a great guy that wants to build a future. If you can say to yourself and mean it, that you'd rather be alone than be without "spark", then don't settle for less than what you want. If you think your "Spark" filled love is out there, I say "Float On" and wish you the best of luck. It's not impossible to find, but it might be a long, long wait for that "spark"  love when "real" love is right in front of you.

Have you ever questioned if a relationship was the real thing because you did not feel "it"with someone? If so, do you regret not staying in the relationship?