Monday, May 21, 2012

Don't Be That Girl or Why I'm not Feeling Alicia Keys Anymore

Amber Rose. Wise, mature and pretty!

A few months ago, I listened to an interview Amber Rose gave to a radio station. Now, just like you, I had my preconceived notions about her based on her pre-Kanye West career, her sudden and seemingly undeserved rise to fame based on nothing but her blond-dyed crew cut and Betty Boop figure. No, I'm not about to give you the Russell Simmons' Global Grind "But There's More To Her, don't hate her!" speech.

What I will give you is the lesson that unfortunately may have been lost in the fact that it was coming from Amber Rose. In the infamous interview, Amber Rose let it slip out that part of the reason for her break up with her first famous beau was due to a little known chick named Kim Kardashian, who's body and rise to fame was pretty much identical to Amber's with the exception that one grew up poor and the other grew up affluent. In her suspicion of the tryst, Amber did what a lot women should do first and don't: she confronted her man. She held him accountable for his actions and then in a very mature move I would not have taken, she decided she wanted to try and works things out with Mr. West as long as he left said Kardashian alone. Whether or not Kanye agreed (obviously not), according to Amber, Kimberly did not. Amber knew the responsibility of being faithful truly lied with her partner, not KK, however, she attempted to talk to Kimberly. When Amber discovered KK was still "sexting" Kanye, she texted her. Not to threaten her, not to cuss her out, but to give her advice: "Don't be that girl". Her words were powerful and wise and although she did not receive a response from her allegory to Kim, her maturity in the situation earned my respect.

Now who was "That girl" Amber was referring to? We all know who she is. She is the girl who does whatever she wants, whatever feels good despite who that may hurt in the process. She is the sideline chick aiming for top spot, she is the female who bases her self-esteem in breaking up relationships, she is the female that has no respect for herself or others relationships, she is the chick who is selfish, self-centred and doesn't care who she hurts as long as her needs are met, she is the female who purports herself to be a strong and powerful woman for other women but excuses her behavior based on circumstance rather than lead by an intergal life. Yeah, she's that chick. The chick,whom you and other females cannot trust. The "I'm going for mine" girl when she really mean's "I'm going for yours".

Now before you swear and curse that girl , know this: We are ALL that girl. Yep. Re-read it again. How so?

As dynamic people we are all  comprised of and capable of many things, most good and some bad. In this way, that girl is in all of us. One of you may be saying, not me, but yeah , yes you.

Now just because we have "That girl" or "That guy" in us doesn't mean we have to let that person out. We have all, at one time or another been faced with a strong moral dilemma. At one time or another, we either gave in or wanted to give in to our desires and passions and be a slave to what we wanted whether it was right or wrong or who we may hurt in the process. And if none of this seems to apply to you at this moment, don't worry it will. There will come a time when the guy or girl who lights your fire is married or otherwise taken. There will be a time when it seems your sexual soul-mate also happens to be your student, a client or a patient. There will be a time when you fall in love with someone else's husband or wife and in all these situations unfortunately the feelings will be reciprocated, making the decision to walk away and do the right thing difficult and painful.
Kim Kardashian and Alicia Keys, collectively known as 'Homewreckers Anonymous'

This is where Alicia Keys comes in. We all know her good homegirl "I'm for women" media personality her empire spins on us. Her songs of broken hearts, broken love and most of all of staying faithful to love. Yet in her personal life we unfortunately learned that while she could talk the talk, she could not walk the walk. She, like the rest of us had "That girl" in her, but instead of taking the higher moral ground and therefore avoiding the very "Karma" she sung about, she chose to be the woman involved in an already dissolving marriage, publicly no less. Humiliating her now husband's former wife and child, she chose to partner, become pregnant and engaged to an already married man. I often wonder what respect does she expect from her husband's children or her own son when they become of age and learn of when and how she and her now-husband became a couple. I don't pretend or profess to know the personal details of what happened in this situation. Maybe she's withholding a simple explanation that we the public don't know that would make her an innocent in this, but as a public relations trained professional, we have a saying: what it looks like is usually what it is and you can't turn sh*t into mayonnaise, but I'd like to see her try.

With all that I said, I do not have advice or  a 3 step rule this time to help you when the time comes when you're faced with being "That girl" or being "That guy". And unlike the liberty I took in judging Alicia Keys, I won't judge you. Temptation is hard. The Devil knows exactly what to serve at EXACTLY the right time so  that the offer can be hard to refuse.  All I can hope is that you make the right decision. And let's say you've already been in one of the aforementioned situations and you DID choose to be "That person". Don't beat yourself up about it. Move on. Love yourself. And regardless of the bad-decision making and poor judgement you may have made in the past, you are worthy of new chances, of earning trust and most importantly of forgiveness. Alicia has done nothing to me personally. Was I disappointed in her? Yes. Did she disappoint the womanhood? Undoubtedly. But you know what? I forgive her.  Just like Mashonda forgave her and moved on to someone who is faithful and worthy of her love. Just like Amber forgave Kim and even thanked her for giving her a reason to leave a man who was unworthy of her and led her to her husband-to-be. I forgive these women. I'm just waiting for the new piano playing poetess and curvy, reality t.v. star fashionista, worthy of my fanship, to take their place.


  1. Say that!! In the past I have been friends with guys who were in relationships and you would be amazed at how they would try to get on without a second thought either. Its quite scary! I had to cut those guys loose as friends and they still try to contact me til this day!! Thankfully I was brought up with strong moral standards. Nobody's perfect but that foolishness aint worth it! In the end karma is a bitch..and she bite!! Good post girl!

    1. Thanks Maisha! You and I both are familiar with the "male friends getting too close" syndrome. Big ups for standing your ground and cutting them loose. Not enough women take that road.