Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Beware of the Thirsty Girl or Guy!

Beware of the Thirsty Girl or Guy!

A few Summers ago as I was walking with a friend I saw an incredibly attractive man walking towards me. You know, the kind of good-looking you just don't see everyday. As he walked by, I HAD to speak.

"Hello, good afternoon, how are you?" I didn't mean to say all that, but I was captivated and feeling bold.

Mr. Good-Looking simply smiled as he walked on by and replied, "Good afternoon, I'm fine."

I turned to watch him walk away and stated loud enough for him to hear, "Yes, you are." Look, guys do those kind of things to women everyday and I love turning the tables on them when I get a chance.  As soon as I turned back to my friend, however, she was laughing hysterically.

"Gurl, what is wrong with you? Why are you acting all thirsty? Is your throat dry?", she said. I had no idea what she meant but it cracked me up and I joined in her laughter.

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

She replied in a voice mimicking a dirty,old man,"Hello there, good afternoon baby, how ya doin'?" lickin' her lips the entire time. I laughed until I cried.

"I was SO not like that!" I exclaimed.

"Yes you were! You acted like you were thirsty and the only thing that could quench your thirst was a tall glass of him!"

Is that what 'thirsty' means?", I asked.

"Yep, it means you gotta get at a man no matter what, like you're desperate and you're not desperate girl so stop acting like you're thirsty!" She said as she laughed again.

Little did I know at the time that although I was indeed not 'thirsty', there were MANY females out there that were. Oh, there are some dry, scratchy throat, can hardly talk for dry wheezing chicks out there, so watch your back. I had an ultimate run-in with one dry throat chick and although I will not put her on blast, I will post warning signs about them. Here they are:

Thirsty Chicks Have No Female Friends: It's true. They may have associates and such but no friends. Not because they can't make them, they choose not too. Thirsty females know that they cannot be trusted so they trust no other female.

Thirsty Females keep their info tight: Think about it: do you know one female that knows alot about everybody else's business but you know very little about hers? That's a thirsty chick on the low. They keep tabs on your man and your situation so that they can strike when the time is right. They wait for you to show the slightest disinterest and then they move in on your man. If you confront her about it she'll say "You acted like you didn't want him".

Thirsty Females like averted attention: Thirsty chicks or guys don't mind if another female gets all the attention at first, they just want to go home with the digits or the guy at the end of the night. So they sit back, let you do all the conversation, then when you get to the exchange of info, they insert themselves. No work, but all the payload.

Thirsty Females have no loyalty: She may be your soror/frat or your girl/boy, but not when it comes to the opposite sex! You may have walked in with him, but she has no problem with walking out with him. She doesn't ask or concern herself with the details of who is seeing who, etc. because that would only make her look worse than she already will by going after the same guy your with.

Thirsty Females are BOLD: Not only will they openly flirt with your man right in front of you, they will talk about it to your face. Don't be fooled by a temporary act of consciousness when they tell you they "may" have crossed the line. It's simply to throw you off track and the bolder have no problem with telling they either have or will choose you over them.

Beyond the warning signs posted, I've written a poem about the thirsty women out there whose parched throat ways get in the way of all the true women out there. Read this to empower yourself whenever a scratchy throat gets you down. Smooches!

Jennifer Anniston. Spokesperson for SmartWater. Fully prepared for the next Thirsty chick that tries to steal her man.

Ode to the Thirsty Girl

Thirsty Girl, oh Thirsty Girl
Why must you be so dry?
Why must you holla at every single man 
that happens to pass you by?

Thirsty Girl, oh Thirsty Girl,
Do you have any loyalty?
You betta quench your thirst ahead of time
Before you come and hang with me

Thirsty girl, oh Thirsty girl
your desperation ain't hard to see
Before you come out since you're that dry
Try drinking a glass of tea

Or perhaps your missing electrolytes
have you tried drinking SmartWater?
because you 
trying to holla at the same guy I am
is completely out of order

Thirsty girl, oh Thirsty Girl,
Don't you know the Girlfriend code?
If I step first, then you back off
Why must you stoop so low?

So I thank your dry & thirsty ways
for clearing the weaker sex from my path,
and making the way for the Alpha male
since I only like the best!

Thirsty Girl, oh Thirsty Girl
you habitual line stepper,
you desperate moves will always prove
As a matter of choice, I'm better!