Wednesday, February 29, 2012

A Relationship: What To Expect In The Very Beginning......

You're in a relationship. Congratulations. It's new, it's exciting and it's .......not perfect. But what is?
Don't worry, there are some normal relationship"kinks" that you and everyone you know will or has gone through. To spare you the late -night calls to friends, binge-eating and 'Reply All' e-mails, I've listed of few of the major ones to look out for.
1) When going from seeing to seriously dating, every red flag that has gone under your radar in your past relationships ( i.e. baggage) is going to pop it's ugly head. Remember when you pretended to be so secure in your relationship, you didn't check his phone? Then you were so secure you did check his phone? And found out there where at least 4 (or more) people in this secure relationship with you and him? Yeah, those things will pop into your head., no matter how great of a person he or she is. Things will be good. And you'll appreciate it. Then you'll think things are TOO good (though there's no such thing) and so your mind will replay every scenario in which you, someone you knew or someone you saw on The Maury Povich Show went through. This is the time to be honest with your honey about what you feel and why. At this point in life, both of you will being bringing baggage into the relationship, it's only natural. Let your partner know what happened in the past that has you feeling insecure now. A good partner will understand and work to get past it but you have to do your part, which means you DO have to get over it or end up single because no one will put up with relationship insecurities for long.

2) He or she will get on your nerves. I don't care how sweet, wonderful, beautiful or handsome  the person you're seeing is, they will get on your nerves. Big time. This comes about due to familiarity and being  territorial. Whether you're single periodically or for long periods of time, sharing your intimate space on a constant basis can wear you thin. Your habits, as well as your partner's, are magnified and even the slightest phrase or look can sometimes set you off. NO, your not crazy and no, they're not intentionally being nerve-wrecking. In fact, all you need is to count to 10 and just R-E-L-A-X. This isn't the time to tell your partner every little thing that annoys you and how they shouldn't breathe heavy when you come home from work or how her dramatics over her reality shows make you want to grate your nails. This IS the time to remember that unless it's a game changer, it's really not that big of deal. and just like you find things they do annoying, it's the same on the other side of the fence. There is NO human being alive who you can date or marry who will not get on your nerves or vice versa so learn to deal with it. Focus on their positive qualities and move on.

3)YES! You do have to check in or risk being checked out of the relationship. When you decide to get serious about someone, there is no night off. You can't suddenly not call your partner for 24 hours and then the next  night call and in a chipper voice say "Hey babe!" It does not work that way. When you get serious, you have a serious responsibility. The other person. I'm not saying it's not cool to hang out with your man and them or your girls, or enjoy some time alone when he or she is busy doing something else, but becoming a serious couple is courtship , a demonstration model of how you expect your engagement or marriage to follow. That means making calls about your day, calling to tell a funny story, calling to let off steam and expecting the same in return. This is how you'll know you're with the right person. When you choose to make him or her the first person you share things with and vice versa, checking in won't be a chore, it'll be a lucky priviledge you both share.

4)He or she will be around you constantly. In almost every free moment you have. It will be cute at first. Then it will be a bit much.Then it will get creepy. So you will tell your partner to back off. But by that time, out of the blue, you'll get so used to having them around you ACTUALLY switch places. Then he thinks it's cute that your around so much, then it'll become a bit much, then you'll get get the idea. But eventually you'll settle into place that's comfortable for you both. I promise.

5) You will have the ultimate "Before-I-Get-Serious-With-You-I'm Pushing-You -Away -to-See-If -You'll -Stay" fight. The argument may be over a serious issue or it may be over something petty, but it WILL happen. I'm not saying this so to scare you. I'm saying it to let you know it's okay when it happens. In a real relationship, there will be disagreements and things might be said that you wish weren't but the important part of this fight is to:  a) see how you fight (always fight fair),  and b) to see if you'll run away at the slightest sign of problems,  and c) to see if you'll fight for the relationship. With all this said, the "big fight" may happen twice, once with each partner walking away (or at least pretending to). After the fight though, make sure you both come to a resolution peacefully and remember the love you're working on between you. Once you learn each other's communication style, unless you like to argue, you won't have many major disagreements and you'll learn how to speak to and resolve your issues between each other in a respectful way and more important, you'll know you're both worth fighting for!

6)He will get machismo on you and try to get hype and tell you what to do or shut you down. She will attempt to shut you down and let you know she's running things. Once you call them on it, they'll laugh it off and take it back. Both are trying to have the upper hand. Neither has it. Both will try it again. You'll crack up laughing each time and ignore it.
So all the things listed, I personally went through and it was off-putting and sometimes scary. And each time I went through them and got through them, I talked to other people and found out it was normal so I'm letting you know ahead of time, it's normal. So before you make that call to a friend,'s okay. You'll be fine.