Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The 'He's Just Not That Into You' types in the city

Anyone that knows me knows that I have a deep interest in interpersonal relationships. I've always wondered about how and why people react socially to others the way they do. Especially when it comes to male -female relationships. Why does he like her? Why does she like him? Why doesn't he like ME? I have so many interpersonal relationship books in my home, people automatically come to my home for relationship advice--from the books!

I wish I could say that my life-long interest has given me some sort of insight into the realm of romantic relationships, but I'm still far from an expert. Case in point, after moving to NYC two years ago (exactly today actually!). I've met several wonderful young and not-so-young men. There has been one or two that I've been interested in, but that interest had not been returned. That's life and I accept it. What I guess I don't readily accept are several type of men: Men who lead women on, the Eternal Flirts; men who want to hit it with no strings attached, the Home Run Leads and men who know you're interested in them and want you to chase them instead of taking the lead themselves, the Gamers. There are more types, but I'll focus on these three.

The Eternal Flirt in my opinion is the most dangerous type of man to run into in any town or city. He's the guy all the women swoon for and every single one thinks they have a chance with. He knows exactly how to make each and every female he's associated with feel like she is the only woman for him. He's usually unfaithful to any woman he's involved with whether it be physically or emotionally. He prides himself on keeping every relationship he has on the "down low". If you prove to not know your place in his life by trying to make your liaisons public, you'll probably never hear from him again. 'Secret Lovers' by Atlantic Starr is his theme song. He gets off on his own power by watching women "sweat" him. My advice: RUN! You want to hang on to prove that he really only loves you, but guess what? That's exactly what every other female in his life is doing. The only person this man will EVER love is himself. Nurse your wounds and disappear from his life. Change schools, clubs, jobs if you have to because as long as he has access to you or you to him, you'll continually get your heart broken.

The Home Run Lead is the alright, nice guy. He's upfront, he's honest. He has his own life and unlike The Eternal Flirt, he has no interest in leading women on. In fact he's so upfront, it's actually appealing. Almost. His honesty is so crude at times that you question if he's someone you should be hanging out with at all. But you second guess yourself and continue to see him because at least you know where you stand with and you can always count on him to tell the truth. Plus, he's cute! You talk, you hang out, you IM each other and them comes the inevitable date. You go out, you have a great time. Then he takes you home and walks you to the door. As you start to give the standard goodnight kiss, maybe hoping for a little nightcap, his annoying honesty rears its ugly head. "I only brought two condoms, do you think we'll need more?" Really?!? I mean, really?!? But that's the Home Run Lead. He expects it, demands it. So much so, he sees nothing wrong with talking about prophylactics before he's even invited in. He's also so callous, he'll call other women he's "seeing" while he's with you and EVEN ask for advice on how to deal with them from YOU. My Advice: If you can deal with his crude honesty and have absolutely no feelings for him or problem with him being with other women, see him. Just know that his self-interested behavior will show up in many , many ways that can be annoying. You can never bring him to social events with close frinds or family as he will have no problem telling them all your business or all of his, including what he plans to do or get from you later on that evening.

The last type I've run into on the city so far I call the Gamer. Just as his name suggests, he's into games. He chases and he likes to be chased. It's who takes those positions in his life that make him a little hard to understand. Gamers are usually men who had their hearts broken and have yet to truly get over it. They are emotionally unavailable. They say and truly seem to want to love and be loved, but in reality their hoping that their heartbreaker comes back or someone magically makes them forget the heartbreaker, which doesn't happen. So instead, they chase women who don't want them and elude the women that do. They love the attention they get from the women who do want them, but also love the little to no attention they fight for from the women who don't. But just like the Eternal Flirt, he leads almost every single female in his life on by expressing his need for intimacy and desire to be in a relationship. But when met with the reality of someone who actually wants the same, he shys away. It's a never ending cycle for him and anyone who desires him until he truly moves on with his lie and his heart. My advice: Don't make anyone else's confusion or hurt yours! He may look good in person and on paper, but unless he's emotionally unavailable, he's not an option. As women, we try to "stick it out" in hopes that we win the reward in the end. But in this case, when he truly releases himself from his past, he'll also move away from anything that reminds him of the times when he didn't, including you. Keep a safe distance if you can or move away from him altogether and find someone who are what they say they are and wants to be in a relationship -- with you!

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