Thursday, February 11, 2010

The nature of love...

Tonight I had the priviledge of attending a Full Spectrum event ( entitled, "The Star-Crossed Lovers. A discussion that explores the bittersweet nature of romantic love".

I'll admit, I went to see Mo Beasley, one of the panelists, in person. He looked great on the flyer. But mostly, I went to hear the bittersweet side of love since I am very, very single at the moment and not really feeling the love vibe of Valentine's Day which is 3 days away.

What the creators of the event envisioned it to be and what it became were totally different, mostly because of a young sista on the panel by the name of Tamar-Kali. She brought in an aspect of not bitter love, but love as a whole experience in all its forms. She stated that if love was recognized and experienced in all its forms, we would not continue to seek it nor would it continue to elude us. For her, she was in love with her close friends, people she admired and knew personally, and yes it was a romantic love, even sometimes a crush. She went on to say that we equate romantic love with sex, which it isn't. It is a high we feel whenever we see certain people or around certain people or things that bring out the best in us. Instead society dictates to us what romantic love is: it's between a man and a woman, it's flowers, it's dates and it ultimatley leads to sex and a monogomaous relationship. While that can be romantic love , but that's not all romantic love, or just love is or can be.

The panel also discussed what happens when love fades and what makes a relationship last. What qualities should one invest in if romantic love fades?(which it does). One of the panelists, Lynn Harris told us a story about the man she dated before she met her husband. As she debated breaking up with him over coffee with one of her girlfriends, the friend posed a simple but very deep question to her: "Do you feel like you want to run things by him?" This simple statement brought about applause and deep thinking. Why? Because it says alot about how you feel about the person you're with. The simple, but thought-provoking question really asked "Do I respect this person's opinion and/or position in my life?" I believe if a lot of people asked that question of the person's they were with right now, a WHOLE lot of people would suddenly be single before Valentine's Day, lol!

While I won't go into everything that was shared, I did walk away with a feeling of peace and understanding I didn't have before I walked in. Although there are currently no prospects, I am okay with wanting companionship. I can't say that I was at peace for not wanting to be single for a long time. I also walked away with a greater sense of what LOVE is and how it exists in all its forms. I'm in love with a few people in my life and they with me, in a romantic way, so I am loving and being loved and to know that feels good! I also walked away having a better sense of the friends/loves I want in my life and how to be that person that I want in my life. In all , I learned how to be a better lover:-)

So while I almost rushed into this Valentine's day bitter, on the hunt for a date befoe the big day, I now know how much love is already in my life and how to attract more love in my life.

I leave you with a short story told by panelist Trevor Exter:

A friend of mine spent a Summer with the Hopi Indians in the desert. While there, he observed their traditions and noticed that alot of their songs were about water. One day, while walking with one of the elders he asked why. "Well, " said the elder, "We sing about it because we live in the desert. Water is the one thing we have the least of. Just like in your culture, you sing about love".

Simply deep.

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