Last Saturday night, a friend and I decided to go out for a drink. We decided to keep it local and went to a great bar downtown. the hotties were out that night. Whatever you like: short, tall, thin, thick, heavy, you had your choice. I thought I was looking pretty decent so I old my friend,"Okay, we can't leave here without a phone number". She didn't mind, it wasn't like she needed one anyway, she has a boo. But I am boo-less, it was a neccesity on my part.
I secured some seating for us, then approached the bar, scanning the room and smiling as I went along. As I did so, a handsome man caught my eye. He smiled at me. I smiled back. I couldn't help but notice how well dressed he was: pressed jeans, expensive collared seater, fresh faded cut,....and a great manicure? Oh, well,metrosexuals do that, right? As I made my way to my seat, he sat down next to me. I turned to him and smailed again. Oh well, here goes,I thought. I took a long swig of my drink. "So, what are you drinking?, I asked him.
"It's a Long island ice tea. What are you drinking?"
"A Hemingway(if you haven't had one of these, you have to try it - delicious!). I'm Kimberly. What's your name?"
"I'm John. Nice to meet you Kimberly."
"Likewise. So...are you here by yourself?" (Okay, I'm quite aware I sound like one of those sleazy guys that you try to stay away from at the bar, but I have absolutely no game whatsoever.)
He replied," Yeah, I left my baby home tonight."
I looked down at his left hand to make sure I didn't miss a tan line or a ring. Neither were there.
"Wow, I can't beleive your girl let you go out by yourself."
That's when John cleared his throat. "Oh no. You mean my 'man'. I left my boyfriend at home."
"Oooh! Okay...", I replied as I picked my face off the floor.
And that's pretty much how I picked a gay guy up at a bar last weekend. Our conversation could have ended there, but John turned out to be a pretty nice and funny guy that ended giving my friend and I some much needed advice.
Turns out John had been in a relationship with his partner for 8 years, that's right eight years!. Personally, I feel like anyone who has been in a relationship for over 5 years must be mandated to write a book on how to be in a relationship and make it work. It can't be easy.
John told us how everything with his partner was picture perfect, no relationship is and if you're looking for that you'll never find it or be happy. The one thing he sees many women and men make is looking for Checklist Girl or Guy. Instead, he said you need to give everybody a chance. that's right everybody. Why? Because you never know. Don't count someone out b/c they may noy be as handsome, tall, thin or stylish as you want. What you must look for is someone whose personality you can live with and they with yours. In addition, you should look for someone you respect and that respects you and the relationship you're in. that's what makes relationships work, even when things aren't at their best according to John. The second mistake he says people make is not dating,instead they jump into a relationship too soon and expect certain relationsip crieria before you get to a certain level of intimacy, which takes time. He was so right about that one! How many of us have dated guys/girls and all of sudden expect them to 'check in' before you're exclusive? I'm guilty of that. Or, will do the "I won't call him/her unless he/she calls me" routine? Ditto! If you want to call, call. If you want to go out, ask him/her out. That's how John knew that his partner was really into him and as they spent more time together, they learned about each other. That's how they knew they wanted to become exclusive. Man, I wish more relationships began like that!
Thirdly, you have to know who you are what you want before you try to bring someone into your life. Know you're worthy of respect and don't be afraid to call your partner on that. Who wants to sit around miserable in an effort to not be alone?!? that's the last thing John said. You have to care enough about yourself and your relationship to want to work things out. It's too easy to walk out the door. BUT, if someone is not going to give you the things you need to make the relationship work, including respecting you & the relationship you're in, make a decision for yourslef if it's worth saving. Again, nothing is worth physical or mental abuse or your self-respect. But just about everything else can be owrked out. So find someone that is willing to work together and forgive you as you would them of anythin that might or could go wrong in a relationship, because they can and will!
Well, I will definitely be more open b/c of JOhn and now I know what's important to look for instead of the shallow requirements that have kept me alone for the past two years and stuck in rotten relationships prior to that. I have a few things I need to work on before I get into a relationship, but that's fine I can date in the meantime and I'm sure one really great guy will stick out from the crowd, just like one did for John.
So in conclusion, John and I are planning to have brunch after church one day soon( we attend the same church, who knew?). He's the first guy I ever picked up in a bar and I have to say overall, I did a good job!